Beijing Olympic Mascots: Press Clubbing

Press clubbing is already an extremely popular sport in China, and the authorities plan to introduce this as a new demonstration activity at the Beijing Olympics.
In this exciting competition, journalists and writers are released into the wild where they endeavor to scribble something damaging to the Chinese government. But wait, as exciting as that is, imagine how much more thrilling if they have to do it while dodging the heavy blows of the People’s Honorable Clubbers, armed with a variety of cudgels, field hockey sticks, and the occasional baseball bat. But there’s more; if the writers somehow survive their drubbing, the they then have to endure years of captivity!
Unfortunately, we don’t think the rest of the world will ever be able to catch up to the prowess of the Chinese press clubbers (who currently have an unassailable lead in the Asian Totalitarian League). And in some countries, the press is too eager to self-club, taking all the fun out of it.